We talkin' deep.

I had a wonderful conversation with my big brother today.

It reaffirmed everything that has been going on with my life.

Big move, big decisions --- all for the right reasons.

When you move away, you're better able to focus on what needs to get done. You are able to rebuild your character with exuberant strength and wisdom. You are able to make decisions about your future and how you want to handle the matters of the heart.

Even though I've been away from home for a short period of time, it's already evident to me that I made the right decision.

And I am more than happy.

It is true that people have said I've got that "glow". Beaming of nothing but radiant happiness that I am where I am today and I have become this new version of myself through everything that I have gone through in the past.

Cheers, to the future. Goodbye to 2011.

Hello to 2012.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Hear My Call

I love this song. And I also love J.Scott. I remember when I first heard this song play at her concert.... it brought tears to my eyes. I love music that speaks volumes through its lyrics. J. Scott has that ability. This song brought me through a rough time in my life & I am thankful.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Be Strong & Courageous

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

It is what it is.

"If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay."

Word.

- Signed, sealed and delivered....

Cheers

I feel it already.

I am at a better place. I am focused.

I have the ability to be myself. To be by myself as well.

A part of me wonders about home... but then, I realize this is my new home.

It doesn't matter what's going on back there. What matters is this is it.

This is a matter of independence, strength, growth and experience.

A pure healing for my soul.

A much needed time for me to truly become a woman who knows herself and knows her worth.

I will not settle for anything less than I am worth.

I will not put myself on another roller coaster of ups & downs and allow that to happen in my life.

This is so different.

I am a different version of me.

A better and more upgraded version of myself.

So cheers,

to new beginnings.

Cheers,

to new friendships.

Cheers,

to a new me.

Goodbye to the old self. And hello to the upgraded version.

Whenever I do go home, the change in me will be so different that it'll just shine.

I know it. I see it for myself. And you know what?

So will everyone else.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Turning point.

And so comes the crucial turning point,

where you realize who you are and what you're worth.

There's no turning back from here.

New city. New adventures. New dreams.

I'm chasing after the dreams.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

New City, new me

I think this city is going to allow me to evolve into a different version of myself.

An even better version of me that I wouldn't have been able to obtain living at home.

It's an amazing feeling being out here.... But it can feel lonesome as well.

In the long run, I know that I'm here for a reason!

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Street style

I've just got a new blog up and running dedicated to street style....

check it out! :)

It's a nice break from school to blog. Love it!

http://stylish-fashionista.blogspot.com

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Worth

After everything, I've learned.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Dream Chasing.

It ain't over yet.
Actually, it's never over... until you give up.
I am so so so so excited to move. The countdown is 11days!
Mentally I am prepared for this, physically not yet. I have so much packing to do.
Aside from that, what excites me the most is that I'm dream chasing.
After doing this program, I have even bigger dreams. BIG BIG BIG dreams.
That I know, with hard work and determination... WILL COME TRUE.
Can't stop, won't stop is going to be my motto for this school year.
Big dreams will come true.
God will orchestrate it all according to his plans.

Future Goal... I'm getting there

One day, oh one day.
I'll get there.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Said and Done

When all is said and done, you know that the future is arising...

A new path is set out.

A new me.

And I am happy.

:)

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Unspoken words

To leave words unspoken

may be the best decision yet.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

And let it be.

When you don't know what else to do,

just let it be.

Simple as that. Lift it up... and Let It Be.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Ready, Set... PACK.

My life has been about cleaning out the clutter these days.

Get rid of the unnecessary.

I'm so ready to move.

Slowly but surely, things are coming along...

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Ohana

"Means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."

I am so excited to get out of here and see my family <3.

Ain't nothing like it. And it's exactly what I needed.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

And I quote.

"Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life." - Lauryn Hill

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Locked Hearts and Hand grenades...

He remembers. He recalls the anxiety. He recalls the fear of the unknown.
Reality that slapped him so hard that everything came falling on top of him unexpectedly... one big thing at a time. Undeserved but it happened. He remembers the pain that was caused like sharp daggers piercing his big heart. He remembers hitting the brick wall at full speed with no airbags.

If only one could explain so many sleepless nights.
Seconds go by.
Minutes go by.
Hours go by.
Days go by.
Weeks go by.
Months go by.
Years go by.
She remembers. She recalls the anxiety. She recalls the fear of the unknown.
Reality that slapped her so hard that everything came falling on top of her unexpectedly... one big thing at a time. Undeserved but it happened. She remembers the pain that was caused like sharp daggers piercing her big heart. She remembers hitting the brick wall at full speed with no airbags.

If only one could explain the pain that lingered.
If only one could explain the silent tears.

It's as if for thirty seconds...
Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock.
Time.
Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock.
Had.Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock.
Stopped.

If only what was meant to be said could've been understood.
If only someone could explain the reason why.
If only.
But there was no happy ending.
He lost. But she lost as well.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

That's a wrap.

Yepppp, there's a ton of things to say goodbye to.

Exit, coming soon.

T-minus 2 months.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Battle.Battle.Battle

My heart has been battling and duking itself out since I've been home.

It's a Heart vs. Mind confliction.

Maybe one day, I'll understand why...

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Travelling Onwards

Time move onwards every single day and so should we.
They say that time heals old wounds... yet sometimes, I still wonder.
My wounds have mostly healed by this point but no matter how hard I try to forget... There are some wounds that remain.
Wounds that now have formed scars.
Scars that cover the outer core of my own heart... where I know,
things will never be the same again.

Now, travelling onwards is never an easy thing to do...
In fact, it's possibly one of the scariest and hardest experiences you have to face....
Yet, it is an aspect of growing up.
The inevitable scars of the past whether it was a great friendship or a great love that was lost will always remain. The memories. The mistakes. The good times. The bad times.
Leaving nothing but YOU.

It really is a choice. There's no point in looking back if you don't plan to go that way. There's only travelling onward from here on out.
And so I ask myself, as I journal... as I lay my heart out on that pen and paper. AM I READY?

Am I ready to venture out into what I know is my future in a different city? I say YES. God wouldn't have orchestrated it otherwise.
My heart tells me I'm ready. My mind tells me I'm ready. God's telling me I'm ready.
And so, it's time... I'm travelling onwards leaving the old me behind. Leaving my past behind me. Even leaving people behind me when necessary.

Hello, goodbye. I'm already far away. My heart lies in the east coast.

"Never be afraid to let go. Because you may never know what greater things might replace the ones you have lost." --- Lauryn Hill.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Transition

"In order to fully transform, we might need to free ourselves of everything we've been holding onto, to send us on our new path... the right one."

GG couldn't have said it any better.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

I'm done.

If there's something I don't have time for...
it's foolish games....

GOODBYE.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

I've fallen...

In love.

With a city halfway across Canada.

It reminds me of a little NYC.

I love this vibe.

I feel like I belong here.

Let's see where God takes me.

...

I'm ready.

- Signed, sealed and delivered....

New City, New Adventures

Being in a new town reminds me that it's scary sometimes.

Change can be scary but it's necessary.

Tomorrow is a big day for brave, new adventures with old friends.

I am sooooooo excited for this downtown adventure.

Let's see the town together and reminisce on old times.

Eeeeek. I'm super duper excited.

My heart is ready for this!

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Ready or Not

There's something amazing that happens when you know that God's at work... Your destiny seemingly falls into place and everything that didn't make sense starts making sense now. The past has made you stronger than ever. And has changed your heart and being from the inner core. What's coming up is new and exciting... and scary. But the difference is that I'm ready for it all. I'm ready for change.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Foolish games.

I'm done with foolish games....

People need to learn to be real.

And straightforward.

And as for you,

goodbye.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Onwards.

"Some choices we make for ourselves in life,

and some we make for other people

not because we don't love them

but because we do.

The only way we know it's right is if it lets us stay true to ourselves.

But we can't regret our choices.

The past is behind us.

All we have is the present and the future.

Whatever that may bring..."

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Ready?

Everything is slowly falling into place...

It's making me nervous & anxioius.

But I'm so ready for this.

A bold, new step.

I'm ready.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Heart matters

As my older brother once told me, "You deserve the best. Don't hold on to someone who isn't worth it. I don't ever want to see you hold on to someone like that again. It's just going to make you look stupid in the long run and you don't deserve that. You don't deserve to be treated like that... Promise me you'll never do that again. There's better out there for you...."

And yes, he's right.

I look back and I realize my worth more than EVER. And as I remember the old me... I see a slightly immature version of myself. I was blinded by what I thought was love and by the cloudy perception of my own heart. I was willing to be treated the way I was because I thought I loved this person and that he loved me back but I realize how foolish I was. It was a oneway thing that I felt and held onto so tightly. I lost myself. So in ways, I know I let it happen. I could've walked away but I didn't. I chose to stay. BUT, now I am stronger. Stronger than ever. And I know that the past has allowed me to grow into a mature woman. A woman of faith. A woman who definately knows her worth and clearly knows what she wants. I will not settle for someone who treats me average. I have learned to walk away from people who can't appreciate me. I need me a king and I can be his Queen.

And my heart smiles. Through it all, I've made it. Through it all, I've become a better person. I know how to stand my ground and stand firm. I will not tolerate mind or heart games anymore and I will not tolerate the same old attitude... I'm done. And I'm ready. I'm ready to find someone who will see my worth inside and out. And see my beauty for what it is. Only then, will I be willing to open my heart again....

And I think I'm ready. My heart is happy. :). Thank you to the person who makes my heart have butterflies --- I forgot what that felt like and it feels good. s

- Signed, sealed and delivered....

I Smile.

This song came at the right time.


- Signed, sealed and delivered...

The Best Deceptions

I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry.
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.
Well I guess I should have heard of that from you.
I guess I should have heard of that from you.

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers, I'll be all right when my hands get warm.
Ignoring the phone, I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
You're calling too late too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes



This morning has arrived and Dashboard Confessional is singing my heart out.

- Signed, sealed and delivered....