Ma said.

Ma said it wouldn't be easy.
Ma always said it would take time.
Ma always referred to it as 'bicycles'.
"Oh. One day, it will find you"
All these heart to heart talks about it, I didn't quite understand at that point. I was young. I was naive. I thought I knew everything.
But after what I had experienced, it finally made sense.



Ma was talking about love.
Ma said love wouldn't be easy.
Ma always said love would take time.
Ma always referred to love as 'bicycles'.
"Oh. One Day, love will find you".
All of these heart to heart talks about love, I didn't quite understand at that point. I was young. I was naive. I thought I knew everything.
But after what I had experienced, love finally made sense.

As my ma says, "One day, the right bicycle..."
You know at first, I would laugh and say, "Why do you say bicycle!?!??!?! That's just weird, ma!" But after thinking about it. It makes sense. You grow up on training wheels. Learning the basics. The basics of love. What love should be and what love shouldn't be. You learn this even before your first steps from people around you. Your parents and your loved ones. And when you're ready to venture off on your own... your parents carefully take off the training wheels for you. This isn't easy for them to watch but they let you go. Sometimes it's the right thing. Sometimes it's the right time. Sometimes it's the right path. Sometimes it's the right everything. But then sometimes from the get-go, it's clearly the wrong bicycle. And sometimes you slip. Sometimes you take the wrong path. Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes you end up scraped and bleeding with wounds. But eventually, those wounds heal. You pick yourself up again. And then after some time, you get ready to try and ride a bicycle again. This time protecting yourself with a helmet and other gear. You learned from the last time.

So back in the day, I never thought love could be related to bicycles. But it made sense when ma told me years ago, "The right bicycle takes time..." And then there was my fajah in the background, "Oh, you know your mom is right. BUT. Even better a motor-sigh-kal. A motor-sigh-kal will come. Oh Eda, a motor-sigh-kal." (Oh men and their need for speed...) Sometimes it makes me wonder if my fajah even knew what we were talking about.

So it is true ladies and gentlemen, keep on riding the daily grind - life itself. And one day as my parents say it, the right bicycle or motor-sigh-kal will come around your neighbourhood. If you've already found it, then call yourselves one of the lucky ones. If you haven't yet, have faith and believe that it will. And when it does, it'll be the right time. The right everything. You might be afraid. You might not know what exactly to do. But just remember this, don't give up. Wounds will heal. Timing is always key. And ma always said, if you place the matter of the heart and mind in His hands, then there is nothing more to worry about.

This being learned from the wise words of people we love, called parents. Trust, in cases with 'bicycles' they actually know what they be talking about. And always, always remember that even if they are talking crazy about bicycles and don't make any sense, it's only because they care deeply about you. When you hurt, parents hurt x2. When you smile, parents smile x2. love.love.love

--- An escape from reality with the beauty of pen and paper. Vol.1 - more excerpts from handwritten journals to come...

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Clutter. Clutter. Clutter.

There comes a point in your life when you look around you and realize that it's time.
At 1am last night, I looked around my room and found that there were many things collecting dust, causing clutter.
There were many things I held onto because I had worked so hard on it. Graded papers and exams. Colourful notes that I studied off of for hours on end. Books I spent hours reading.
There were even clothes left unworn with tags on them. Purses that have stayed trapped in my workings of my closet that haven't been touched. I looked around me once more and I knew exactly what I had to do.
It was time to de-clutter and put things away in boxes and bags.
It was time to let go.

So at 1am, I put on some music and began my journey...
Four hours later, I wondered... Why did I start this in the first place? 'Cause looking around me, I had made an even bigger mess of things.
And at 5am, I knew I was only halfway there. I was tired. I spent hours sifting and sorting through things.
It wasn't until 5 hours later that I woke up and continued on my journey.
I was determined to clean up the mess that I had made.

Looking at pieces from the past, each one told a story. A story of who I once was and who I have become.
Once a girl that only wore basketball jerseys to school, always kickin' it with the boys... turned into such a girly girl. Who knew I would ever trade in my comfy kicks for some heels. But hey, it happened.
Looking at things from my highschool days, it reminded me that I used to be a doormat. And some people took advantage of this and abused my kindness. Until one of my best friends in highschool reminded me that I needed to speak up. And so, I did. I found my voice, learned my worth and stood up for myself.
Looking at all my school notes, I remembered what my physics teacher in highschool told me, "Eda, you know in university you will never have notes that colourful anymore.... there's no time."
Ah, Ms.C... If only you could see my notes now I would have proven your theory wrong.
Then there were things that made me wonder. Why did I ever think this was cool?
Then there were things of sentimental value. Old photographs. Handmade gifts. These brought me back to the memories. Some made me laugh. Some pulled at my heart strings. Some brought tears of joy.
Then there were old journals that brought me wayyyyyyyyyyyyy back. Back to the Winnipeg days when I wrote about my first crush when I was 7 years old. hahaha. I still remember his name. You will be left unnamed, facebook friend.
There were many things I found that reminded me of who I used to be. I was also a girl who was afraid of heartache but now I've grown up. A woman who has experienced and gone through what love truly entails. It isn't always easy but these experiences only cause you to become better. So for this, I am thankful. And I will continue to love courageously.

It was then, it hit me. Eventually you will have to face the truth. The truth that you've allowed yourself to clutter up your life with unnecessary things. And when you begin a journey to clean up the mess you've made, it takes time.
Hours and hours on end. It takes time to sift through monumental pieces of your own history. And it's tough deciding what should stay and what should go. This is the hard part.
And at times, I wanted to give in. I wanted to quit. But I knew that because I had already started, there was no more turning back.
If there's one thing I could say though, you won't be able to get through your journey without the help of good friends.
In the afternoon, I had help cleaning out the clutter from one of my closest friends, who reminded me that "Clutter in your closet is clutter in your life..."
This was the saying for today.
He also reminded me that it was time for more change to come.
It was time.
These thoughts were congruent to exactly what my heart and mind were telling me. Parallel.
So as we sat there going through some things, we both laughed at my dysfunctional wardrobe back in the past and realized how things have changed, how much older we are getting and how change is necessary.
And each time I wanted to hold onto something, he questioned and challenged me. Which made me think. Real hard.

And with that being said, this leaves me to the end of my journey.
Today was a productive day.
And cleaning up the clutter never ever felt this good.
Many of my things are now gone. Some have gone to local donations. Some of my brand new things will be sent off to another country and it will find a new home. A new home with someone who deserves it more than I did and will cherish it more than I ever could of. It will be a helping hand to someone.
But more than that this experience has helped me. And for this I am thankful.
You see, sometimes we take things for granted. Sometime we forget how fortunate we really are. Sometimes it's hard to give things up or let go. Things we haven't worn. Things that we think we will eventually use again. Things for 'just in case' we might need it. Things that mean something to us. The list could go on and on and on and on. It just builds and builds and builds turning into a mess. And eventually, you realize that it's time to let go of the clutter and clean it up.
Trust, whenever you see a mess that you've caused. Fix it. And believe that the rest will piece itself together... And when you look around you, ask yourself, is it time to de-clutter???

-

End result: Bags of things being donated locally. Others being sent to another country.

Mission accomplished. No more clutter in this life.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

My Jericho.

I am tired. Tired. Tired. Tired.
These hardened walls were seemingly built to crumble down.
These walls serve no purpose in my life.
These walls were meant to be broken.
And each day we encircle the same path is one step closer.
One step closer to conquering the wrong into the right.
One step.
One step.
One step.
One step.
Sometimes it's hard to see the end but I know it's there. I feel it. Even though I want to quit at times, patience is my best friend right now. Distorted words are causing doubts in my mind but the double edge sword reminds me otherwise.
My feet are exhausted from encircling this path. I feel as if I have been here before. Yet it is for a reason that I must travel this path again. And this time, I walk hand in hand with You.
Day one.
Day two.
Day three.
Day four.
Day five.
Day six go by...
It feels endless. And I am exhausted but I march with a purpose. I believe.
It's day 7. I am screaming and shouting for joy for the walls of Jericho that I have created in my life are crumbling. And nothing is going to be kept. But rather taken away. Ever so swiftly. And things will change. Faith reminds me that things will be better.
The hardened walls of my heart are breaking.
Breaking and moulding into what is truly yours.
I am reminded that the hardened walls have crumbled just as Jericho did.
Restoration takes over and I find an undescribeable peace.
I am reminded of that great journey I had to endure.
And I am forever grateful.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Ship.

Their maps didn't match up,
When he finally began to catch up
With all the warning signs he'd drove past blind
She tried hard to deliver
Her words disguised and disfigured,
But everytime she tried they never came out right
And she would sing,

When will my ship roll in?
When will I sail away?
When will my timing fall into perfect place?
When will the stars that shine, shine me on my way?
When will my ship roll in, and take me away?

She stood in the shadow
of a reflection she did not know
That's when her questions all began again
Who's life have I been living?
Who's love have I been giving?
Lost sleep worrying she would never dream again.
And she would sing,

When will my ship roll in?
When will I sail away?
When will my timing fall into perfect place?
When will the stars that shine, shine me on my way?
When will my ship roll in, and take me away?
Just watch as the tide rolls out,
It will all come back around,
The rhythm of the sea, will bring you back to me.
'Cause You know that everything is just how it should be now, listen for the sound...

When will my ship roll in?
When will I sail away?
When will my timing fall into perfect place?
When will the stars that shine, shine me on my way?
When will my ship roll in, and take me away?

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

You never leave a trace...

It's the middle of the night. The streets are quiet.
It is dark and deepened outside with secrets hidden in every corner.
We. The entity of you + I are fighting against the hands of time. Like a thief in the middle of the of the night, someone is here to steal your heart.
It's the middle of the night. The streets are quiet.
The assassin takes his position in the dark corner.
His job is to kill you. Shoot you in the heart and cause pain.
It's supposed to be quick and easy.
And so, there he sits in the middle of the night. The streets are quiet.
It is dark and deepened outside with secrets hidden in every corner.
While we. The entity of you + I are fighting against the hands of time.
We. Are fighting for our lives. For what is right. For what we believe in.
Yet as the assassin pulls the silent trigger.....
In the matter of seconds...
You lose. You get shot right in the heart. And pain lingers throughout every nerve of your body.
You never knew it was paralyzing. You never knew it could hurt so bad. You thought it was supposed to be quick and easy.
But it isn't. No more fighting with the hands of time.
Because it is in these hands that any pain will go away.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock....


- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Walk a mile in her shoes...

"I've had to say goodbye more times than I would've liked. But everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we do it, even if it's for the greater good. It still stings. And though we'll never forget what we've given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can't do is live our lives always afraid of the next goodbye because chances are they're not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing. When it's a chance to start over again..." - U.B




- Signed, sealed and delivered...

My heart will choose to stay...

Becoming a woman after His heart means sacrificing all your wants and desires. He takes things away for a reason. Not to punish us but to show us a different perspective. A different light that we could not see before because we were too blinded with what was right infront of us. So, sometimes when things are uncomfortable or you forget why your surroundings are different from what you are used to, just remember it is because He cares and wants to mould you. He wants to change you into something greater. Something better. Something we could not even imagine for ourselves. A strong, brave woman after His will. A woman who has clearly sacrificed her own desires to simply obey. This isn't an easy road but it will be worth it. It is worth it to leave the matters of the heart and mind in His hands. It is worth it to be willing to change. It is worth it finally become who He intended and created you to be. It will take time, maybe even your whole lifetime but the journey that lies ahead of you is unknown with secrets and surprises meant only for you to discover. Just be willing.

-Signed, sealed and delivered...

I think it will hit me tomorrow...

There is one thing that I will never get used to doing. Saying goodbye. To whoever it is.
To what was, to friends, to siblings, to parents, to grandparents, cousins and loved ones.
Things that I hold dearly to my heart; things that matter the most to me. I hate saying goodbye or see you later.
This is one portion in my life that I am not good at.
Truth is, I think it'll hit me tomorrow.
When I realize that no one's going to come wake me up at 3am by turning my lights on. Or pull my blankets and make me sound like a walrus at 4am cause I'm so mad that I'm getting woken up and have to work at 6am. Or when someone won't let me use my laptop cause they pretend they are sleeping in their room. Or when I am given the car back with the gas light on because it's empty. Or the "Eda, you do it." Or "Eda, you pay for me."or yelling, "KUYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." Strange how the annoying things are what you'll miss most.
Yes, I think it'll hit me tomorrow. I will miss the real talks. The random laughs and loudness at home.
But it was fun while it lasted.
And eventually you remember that this is the reality for now and things will change for the better.

- Emo Eda
- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Brush Strokes

The Blues

Fallin'

Sahara Sunset

Using: Acrylic Paints

Location: My personal sketchbook

These are some pieces I am willing to reveal and others are locked up in my book.

Inspiration is key. If only I had more time...

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Adventures with Caius.

I named him Caius. One of my most recent investments... A Canon AE-1. An old school, 35mm film SLR from the 70s. So he's my newest babbbbbbyy. We're still in the phase of getting to know each other, nawww mean??? This phase takes time. Now there's something about film that's exciting to me. It's like a kinder-surprise everytime because you don't know the results of your shots until you see the film. He has been travelling with me here & there but our most latest adventure was to my old highschool stomping grounds... Fleetwood Park. A couple hours of my day were spent taking a nice long walk through the trails and being inspired. It was a sunny yet deceivingly cold day and the grounds were muddy.... But that didn't matter. You see, there's something about nature that calms my soul. And it allows me to feel at ease. I love being able to see my breath on a cold day. Just lookin around me I was amazed and could see the depiction of beauty in each corner. Every surface, even if it was covered by green moss... told a story. A story of how it got there. A story of life itself. There was one particular tree that I stood by in which all of its branches were distorted and twisted. I stood there for a while because it reminded me of a time where my life was like this... where everything seemed to be going nowhere. I was twisted and tangled and lost in a maze. I was like an old tree not producing any good fruit. Yet admist this distorted tree, there was still beauty. There was still hope. No matter how distorted it once was, things are different than how it used to be. And this, inspired me.

I found an unreal beauty in something so simple like an old twisted up tree. At the end of my walk I realized that my old stomping grounds sure have changed, as have I.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Rx:

Don't you love that feeln of opening a brand new journal and writing on its first page?

Everytime I start a new journal, there's an irreplaceable feeln of starting fresh. Starting over. Starting something new. Staring into the future which seems unknown. Today I started a fresh page. Perfectly fitting for the new year I guess. And this caused me to look back to the year I just had. 2009, like pretty much every year had its fair share of ups and downs. But if there is one thing I am so proud of is the outcome. The outcome of all those events whether good or bad and how I and others are being changed for the better. I am nowhere near perfect nor will I ever be but 2009 is the year where absolutely every portion of my life was completely laid out there.

It seemed as if 2009 was the year of truth and healing.

And I believe that now after everything, it will BE better.

The Rx: is simply time.

For under every circumstance, "we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

Nothing but love and restoration are overwhelmingly filling my soul...

I cannot tell you how long I've been waiting to find this again - there's an amazing feeln of peace embedded into the intricate chambers of my coronary arteries.... and it feels right. It feels goooooood.

And I have faith that complete restoration is bound to happen.

But in His time, not mine.

There are many things to look forward to in 2010.

My dreams are staring at me right in the eye and I'm ready.

2010 is the year of movement in my life.

It is the season for change.

But with everything, I remember His will... and not mine.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...