.Fresh.

It's like taking a breath of fresh air on a cool summer night.

It reminds me of memories from back in the day.

And remembering that this is exactly what I fell in love with.

They say you never forget the first time you fell in love.

Relaxing. Exciting. Soothing.

This rhythm is unreal.

Closing my eyes, I could sit in this room forever.

It's like when you're a child and you're opening that kinder surprise not knowing what's going to be inside.

Ahhhh, this is what I feel when I hear some good ol' jazz.

- Signed, sealed & delivered.

Awwwww yeah.

It's official.
After years of studying, hard work has paid off.
My letter has finally come in the mail.
My Science degree in cellular biology.
Is. Done. Done. Done. And Done.
June 3rd, 2009. 9:15am.
SFU - Burnaby campus.
Marks an end and the beginning of something new in store for me.
=) .
I just wish it were complete. By that, I wish I could have my whole family there with me. I wish I could have a full family picture. I miss my pops & brother bear -- Wish you both could be here. But he has to go fly airplanes and follow his own dreams -- Mr. Pilot... I'm still proud of you, even though selfishly I still want you here with me. As situations have it, it is what it is... Miss you.

At the same time, a part of me is excited to graduate especially with friends that I have met throughout my university years but it is still bittersweet. We won't see each other as often anymore 'cause there will be no more classes together. No more 4 hour labs. No more lunch breaks. No more studying together. No more field trips to random locations like... Bamfield? =(. It's going to be strange not being on campus anymore seeing all your faces... But no matter what we will still have get togethers to catch up with each other and still have the good times to look back on --- even if that involved ridiculous exams and profs. (*Cough. Ohhhh the memories we'd love to forget about our brutal 20page organic chem final) hahaha. I'd like to forget my reaction to that exam.

So, Congrats...

To all my fellow friends & graduates. After all these years together, we deserve this and we earned the reason to celebrate together. See you all soon --- cccaaan't wait!

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Nineveh

I have been seeking. I have been searching.

"Keep on asking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
You are giving me many new opportunities.
And I will wait. I will wait for my letter, and the next step comes after that.

Step by step. Hand-in-hand. You have bigger and better plans than I could have ever imagined for myself.

In one of my quiet times, I came across the story of Jonah.

I am going to be led to my own Nineveh.

No more running. No more.

I am tired. Too tired.

I have been through my storm. I have been through my own whale.

Listen. That's all you've been trying to tell me all along.

"So pay attention to how you hear. To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what they think they understand will be taken away from them."
I am ready. I finally understand why everything happened. Why You give and why You take away.

So that my focus lies on You and only You.

I trust in Your ways, I trust in Your plans even if that leads me elsewhere.

- Signed, sealed & delivered.

Overwhelming.

In the quiet moments,
I hear your voice and your voice alone.
The thrashing waters are now still.
Be still.
Be still and listen.
And an overwhelming peace fills my soul.

- Luke 8:18

- Signed, sealed & delivered

Get it, got it, goooood.

"So what’s the difference between rap and hip hop? It’s simple. It’s like sayin’ you love somebody and bein’ in love with somebody. Rap is only a word." -- taken from one of my favourite movies, Brown Sugar.

We hear it in music. We see it in movies. We read it in books. We feel it in real life.
A metaphor.
An expression of feelings.
An illustration of love.
Something so fresh.
Something so unique.
Something so real.

"You are the perfect hook over a tight beat..."

- Signed, sealed & delivered.

U-turn.

All this seems so familiar. This isn't the first time. It's like taking one step forward and losing your footing to only end up two steps backwards from where you first began. This is what it is.
They say that "X" marks the spot.
After searching and searching I thought I found it.
I dug it up with my shovel and my own bare hands...
Frantically hoping to find something, you know, a hidden treasure.
Digging and digging a deeper hole into the darkness.
Only to find nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It turns out the directions I chose to follow were wrong all along.
Turns out I got lost.
Everyone knew it, except for me. Naive. Blinded. Broken.
Time to head into the opposite direction.


You see..... Thought what was right infront of me was real, but it turned out to be fool's gold afterall.....
.Lesson.learned.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

A glimpse.

TRUE STORY.

This was written by me on my trip to the east coast, last summer. To be more exact, it was written in Ate Joyce's basement in Camden, New Jersey while Georgie (her dog) was rummaging through my fresh-na-fresh undergarments in my luggage. But I could have cared less about Georgie rummaging through my things 'cause writting this was more important at the time. I recall writing this whilst listening to Heather Headley's song - Am I worth it? on my ipod mini at the time.

This, was my response.
Read it. And you'll experience a glimpse in my shoes.
-- And possibly every woman's shoes.
Fellas, listen up.
Ladies, hollar.

A glimpse - written June 9th, 2008.

A woman's worth is more than just diamonds and pearls. In fact, it cannot be bought by a single cent. A woman's worth is not determined by the words of a man. For words can be as sharp as daggers. A woman's worth is not determined by the perception of outer beauty. For sometimes the window of what beauty should be is distorted. Rather a woman's worth is determined by the beauty of her soul that exists within. A beautiful soul that euphorically sounds like the sickest melody. A woman's worth is defined by herself and by the things she believes in. By her faith and by the way she stands up for herself. Through the way her own voice echos without having to open her mouth. A strong powerful voice that lingers with wisdom. A woman who knows her worth knows that she will not pursue but will be pursued. As she enters a room, she will glow with confidence that radiates. A woman who knows her worth will take time. She will take time to understand herself. She will take time to search her inner thoughts. She will take time to make sure her heart is in check with her mind. She will take time to bandage wounds. A woman who knows her worth will listen intently... And will learn to let go of the matters of the heart & mind. Sometimes; however, a woman can be stubborn before she realizes what is truly at stake - her worth. Sometimes, pain is all a woman needs to realize her worth. Sometimes, time is all a woman needs to realize her worth. Sometimes, maturity is all a woman needs to realize her worth. No matter what, knowing your worth is a day by day process. Some painful things you go through will be in order for you to grow. ----- To grow into that woman who truly knows her worth.

It's literally taken years. It's taken a lot of circumstances, including pain for me to grow up. And I am still in the process. I've been told "There's a reason for why this has happend. Though you may not see it, you have been assured to simply, just TRUST." Easier said than done. But, you turned out to be right. I see now the things I HAD to experience in order to grow. Although, at the time when things didn't make any sense in my life I often wondered "whyyyyy on earth is this happening to me?". Stumbling upon what I wrote, has reminded me once again.... This.is.why.

I know my worth.
For those of you who are still learning. TRUST.
It will get better.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

.Edamame.

Edamame -- The baby soy bean that is often boiled and salted for flavour.

Edamame - a nickname of mine given to me by many. Ironically, this little bean describes me inside and out. Small. But. Flavourful. You've got a little bit of salty and sweet. The outer texture is flexible and can be difficult to get through. Although I am outgoing, friendly and embarassing, a protective layer has been built on the outside. What I have inside --- purely sweet and soft. A delightful delicacy - simply, one.of.a.kind. Sharing one of the greatest blessings in this world with you. This is my purpose. This is me.

A woman who knows her worth. I am focused. I am determined. I have a big heart that has been through many circumstances and life lessons. Regardless, I will still be rockin' that huge dimple of mine -- my natural crater. This is me.

These years have built me up into the strong woman I have become today. Many situations have risen. But I would not change it at all. Many things have happened. But I would not change it at all. Many words have been spoken. But I would not change it at all. Many mistakes have been made. But I would not change it at all. I have learned and still am learning.

Many words have been locked, stored and written on my own pages.

But now....

It's time.
Time to spill the beans.

Signed, sealed & delivered...