Jars of Clay

Jars of Clay
Neatly lined up in rows
Enclosed by a glass window
with a bright red frame.

The intriquite work of a potter
as the soft clay spins round and round
Carefully the clay is being moulded.
Spinning in silence.

It requires plenty of time.
And an enormous amount of patience.

But the most important question...
Who's hands?
Are they yours?
Try again.
You know Your hands will lead into a mess.
Mistakes will be made... time and time again.

But His hands
will lead to perfection.

So I sit here patiently.
As I watch time spin round and round.
In His time, not mine.
In His will, not mine.
In His hands, not mine.
Humbled on my knees
I pray that you may
mould ME into your likeness.

More and more.
Day by day.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Decisions, decisions.

You know it's the best decision, when you feel at ease.
And I do.

May 22, 2010. Is coming soon.

I am excited yet nervous at the same time.
This.is.it.
Focus, focus, focus.


- Signed, sealed and delivered...

JUMP JUMP.

Take that leap of faith... and JUMP. =)

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Before the Morning

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now?

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

- Josh Wilson


- Signed, sealed & Delivered...

Lifeline

I have this sinking feeling
Something's weighing me down
I am completely saturated
The waves are crashing closer
My feet already drowned
Doing the thing I said I hated

They've been swimming in the wrong water
Now they're pulling me down
But I am clinging to you, never letting go
'Cause I know that you'll lift me out

Have your way here
Keep me afloat 'cause I know I'll sink without you
Take this ocean of pain that is mine
Throw me a lifeline

Wake up feeling convicted
I know something's not right
Re-acquaint my knees with the carpet
I have to get this out
'Cause it's obstructing you and I
Dry up the seas that keep us parted

'Cause they've been swimming in the wrong waters
And now they're pulling me down
But I am clinging to you, never letting go
'Cause I know that you are gonna pull me out

They've been swimming in the wrong waters
And now they're pulling me down
But I am clinging to you, never letting go
'Cause I know, 'cause I know

- Brooke Fraser

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

From Center to Circumference

"Only drop those things you grasp in your hand,
and place your hands in Mine.
Only pull your eyes from those things you hold precious,
and I will fill them with My glory.
Release your affections from all others.
Place My hands those you hold dear.
Leave them in My keeping:
for so shall your heart be set free to seek Me
without distraction.
For when I am to you more precious than all else;
when I have become more real to you than all else;
and when you love Me more than you love any other,
then shall you know complete satisfaction.
Your peace shall flow as a river,
and your joy shall overflow as a fountain,
and My glory shall be poured out as the fragrant anointing oil
upon all your other relationships.

For I do NOT intent to strip you of earthly ties and joys,
but I long to have you give Me the center of your life
That My blessing may flow out from the circumference.
For My Spirit moves not from the circumference to the center,
but from the center to the circumference.

Seek FIRST the Kingdom of Heaven;
set your desires wholly to obtain the riches of God,
and all other things shall be freely supplied
as the needs arise.

Lay aside every weight and deliberately remove every hindrance.
Give yourself to prayer.
You have My word, yes you have My promise,
that those who seek shall FIND.
And My promises are sure,
and My Word shall never pass away."

- Come Away my Beloved.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Rough sketch

Sometimes we forget.
And then You remind us that this is the reason why.
The reasons why there are seasons. The reasons why we have to keep striving. He wants all of us. He wants to purify. He wants us to focus on Him, getting rid of all other distractions. He wants to change your wants into His wants. He wants to make your heart whole. He wants us to wait. To wait on him like we've never waited on anything or anyone before. He wants to build us up. He wants us to be the BEST we can be. He wants you to trust. To trust that everything WILL BE alright. In His Timing.

For,
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate
a time for war and a time for peace..."

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8


And....

"He has made everything beautiful in its time..."
- Ecclesiastes 3:11

He promises us this. He will find beauty in anything and everything that he created.
Just like an artist working on a painting... it takes time to draft, time to sketch, time to put in the brightest colours and time to outline.
We start off as a rough sketch but then become a beautiful portrait.
Changing us is like making coal into a diamond. It takes high heat and pressure to make a diamond from coal. It requires the rearrangement of Carbon atoms into new patterns. This is what happens in our lives when we give things up. When we give up our lives to God, he wants to rearrange our hearts and our minds into something greater. This might require us to go through some rough patches but no matter what we experience there is always a reason. Change isn't always an easy thing. It is not an easy process. It takes time -- sometimes even years. It may be uncomfortable at first... But the end result is worth it. We wonder, how could something that started off so rough become something sooooo beautiful? In His hands. In His time. From deep within...

I am a diamond in the making. And so are You.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Metamorphosis

Sometimes we just have to find ourselves again.
Along the way, we may choose to take a detour and lose ourselves even more. What we thought was the 'easy way out' turned out to be wayyyy more complicated than it seemed.
Ironic isn't it? That you can lose yourself when trying to find yourself at the same time.
Which is why this process is difficult.
There are times when you end up hurting yourself or others. Pain is an inevitable part to discovering what you truly stand for. What you believe in. It is a worthy sacrifice.
Finding yourself takes time and it's just like metamorphosis.
Deep down inside, we want to be loved. We are curious to find out what love is. We want to feel this unconditional love and so we search. We search for it, not knowing that this simple gift has been there for us all along, just waiting to be opened.
And eventually there is a time when we find ourselves stuck. Where we are longing to know more. Searching for more. We are stuck in the middle of a cocoon that we have built for ourselves. We opt for change in our lives as there is no alternate route. Nothing else is ever going to help until you reach this point. The point of where you are tired of doing the same thing over and over and over and over again. Exhausted from the repetitive cycle.
You desire for more. You know better this time around. You want to change who you have become into something better.

And once time has taken its course, we peel off the layers of that cocoon and transform into something beautiful. Even though we may have suffered before and lost those 'pretty wings', the repair has come. A change has occurred in your life which could not have happened in the past.
Battlescars, wounds, hurts... ah, this all heals accordingly.
Sometimes we get so engulfed with what was --- how things were. How different you used to be. How things have changed since then. We remember the 'good times' that were easier.
The past can eclipse our vision and harden our hearts as we can't seem to see what lies ahead. We can't seem to get past the past. BUT what lies ahead is something better in store. What lies ahead is more laughter, more good times, and more memories. What lies ahead is a different you -- a different life. It's even better than you could have ever imagined - a full and complete restoration. Your heart, mind and soul are finally congruent and parallel with one another.
And it feels right.

Metamorphosis at its best.


- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Inspirational change.

It's 230am. And I've just realized that I've spent the whole rest of this afternoon and evening studying and building databases. What a life, I think... but an enjoyable one... Why?
I've been building databases in which I research some of the most influential people of this century. It's a lot of work. A lot of time. And a lot of knowledge to be absorbed. This is for a reason. When I am facing that prompt for the two final essays in the verbal reasoning section of my exam in May, I am determined to rock it. But I need this database information stored in my head to back it up.
I have to admit that this studying-project has truly encouraged me. Reading up and reminding myself on the historical events that happened in the past and how much change has occurred since then.
Change is truly inevitable. It's bound to happen as Lauryn Hill even sang, "After winter must come spring. Change it comes eventually..." She couldn't have sung it better.

You see, change is good when attached to a positive dream.

Eleanor Roosevelt reformed the structure of the first lady. She lived up to the status becoming the first lady to speak in front of a national convention, the first lady to become a radio commentator, set up press conferences encouraging woman journalists and the first lady to earn money as a lecturer. She believed in social justice and the equality of all people regardless of race or sex. She was a strong advocate against segregation and discrimination. She was America's First Lady that revolutionized paths for women and social justice.

Martin Luther King Jr. had a vision. His "I have a dream" speech is extraordinary. I watched the video of him speaking and I just wish I could have been there. His own life is a testimony in itself. Even when he faced adversity, when he experienced violence and hate, he still chose to respond with non-violent acts. He led people by example. He believed. He gave a voice to others. He stood up with great faith. He fought for the equality of rights. He led a monumental movement that forever changed America and this change happened for the better.

These people remind me that you gotta be true to yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. Be inspired by those around you. Be inspired by what you believe is right. And don't be afraid to try.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."

Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

So with that being said, I am inspired. I am inspired for change around me. Change in my own life. Change in this world. Change in the lives of others. I want to be a part of this change. And it will come. I believe it will come. Sometimes, I am still afraid but in those moments of fear, I remind myself of what I am facing. I am taking that step forward, looking fear in the eye and not knowing what lies ahead. I've got to simply remember to Trust. Trust. Trust. Don't be afraid. This can be done. Thy will be done.

And I also have to take a reminder of the past with me. For things that happened in life itself. Alicia Keys sang, "It's called the past cause I'm getting past... I ain't nothing like I was before..." This is true. What we have gone through in the past helps make the future better, if we choose. It allows for growth and change. Change comes now. How will you choose to handle it?

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Time is ticking...

The world of post-it notes always seem to remind me.
Reminders are everywhere of how little time I have left.
78 more days. 78 more days. 78 more days.
This, is little time.
January, February, March and April are jam packed.
Reality reminds me that my dreams are staring at me in the eyes and I must take this opportunity to chase 'em.
This isn't always easy.
But in the end, regardless of the un-existent social life at the moment... this is for a reason.
If it seems that I have disappeared temporarily, it is because of this.
There is a season for everything. And this is a season of change and focus for me.
Big this are going to happen. Big dreams are going to be chased and fufilled within His time.
Everything will fall into place as it should. This I believe.
And with this being said, I gotta finish reading some biology chapters.
Focus, focus, focus. You got this!

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Stronger

Heartbreak.
It's real. It's raw. It deals with the heart and soul.
And it has never been easy to deal with.
I'm not going to lie to you when I say it hurts.
At one point in our lives, heartbreak can come in and break us...
Only temporarily though.
The reality is that only time heals the battle scars. Salt will heal the wounds. Bandages and stitches help too. But if you don't take enough time for yourself, heartbreak can come right back in and pull off each stitch one by one.
If there's something that I've learned over the years, it is simply this.

Thank you Heartbreak.
Thank you for not making me bitter.
Thank you for the tears that took this big heart of mine and soul to the laundromat.
Thank you for teaching me what love really is.
Thank you for preparing me.
Thank you for making me Stronger.
Thank you for allowing me to believe in love.
Thank you for making me better.
Thank you for reminding me exactly what it is that I deserve.
Thank you for giving me Pretty Wings...




I love, love, love, love this song.

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day they'll be no remnants
No trace, no residual feelings within ya
One day you won't remember me


- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Blessed be Your Name...

Today my status said that the drive to campus would be beautiful.
And beautiful it was.
.... It was the ride back from school that scared me to the inner core.
I was almost home. An exit before my 160st exit on Hwy1.
Blessed be Your name was playing in my car...
There I was driving at normal speed behind a truck just enjoying my music and drive home...
And it was then that my life literally flashed before my eyes.
I saw a boulder... a big rock, the size of a volleyball heading directly towards my face.
I have no idea where it came from. I had no idea what to do. But I knew I couldn't brake or else the car behind me would smash right into me. I couldn't swirve. I couldn't do anything but drive straight... and hope that it wouldn't hit me.
But the big rock was coming closer and closer and closer to the windshield...
I can picture this clip replaying in my over and over and over and over again.
I don't even know what I was thinking at the time. I didn't even know what to do.
All I remember was the impact. BAM! The rock hit the windshield at full speed, almost going straight through but at the last second it just bounced right off.













There was shattered glass all over my lap and legs.
I remember hyperventilating and crying the whole way home. I called my fajah as soon as it happened but he couldn't even understand what I was saying.
One of my good friends Earl also calmed me down on the way home... I don't think he could understand what I was saying on the phone either.
And when I finally got home, the garage door was already opened and there was my fajah waiting. He just looked at me crying my eyes out and gave me a big hug.
All I could mutter was, "Pa---. (gasp)... (gasp)... A big rock... (gasp) (gasp) (gasp)..."
He took one look at the car and said, "Oh you know. You are lucky. We hab to be thankpul dat you were protected tonight. It could hab been worse. You could hab preeked out and crashed into dee side. Or eben worse, the rock could hab smashed you in the pace. Den dee glass could hab cut you in the eyes... You could hab died. But dee good thing is, you're ok. You were lucky tonight. You were protected. And we hab to be thankpul por dat one. Go inside now and rest."
My fajah was right. It could have been worse. My life could have ended today, but it wasn't time.
And as soon as I got into the house, I called my Kuya. Even though he is thousands of miles away, he knew that something was wrong by the sound of my voice.
Today just made me realize.
Sometimes we take our lives for granted. Sometimes we take moments for granted.
Sometimes we take people around us for granted.
One milli-second could have made a difference.
And with my one milli-second I want to tell you all that I love you dearly. And for those that have made an impact in my life... thank you. I heartchu.
I have nothing but praise.
This is a testimony of protection.
A testimony of thankfulness. A testimony of love. A testimony of life itself...














Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise...

Thank you God. Tonight was a blessing. It reminded me that each day is a new day. Each day is a blessing in itself.


- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Let the good times roll

The beauty of a camera is that you can capture any given moment at anytime. Any second, any minute, any hour, any day, any month, any year. A story will be told from each candid shot. And these stories will bring years and years and years of memories.
These photos bring joy to my soul <3.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...