Functional Geometry

Pythag's always said that in order to find the 'x', all you gotta do is follow the formula... but in this case, there isn't one that you can use.
If only it were that easy.
You see, this situation is a little bit more complicated than what it appears to be.
It's not just about finding the solution but how you go about deciding to figure it out.

The Right triangle is where you want to be.
No longer do you want to be skewed like an scalene or an obtuse triangle.
You want the 90 degrees. Or even the perfect 180.
But if you want to become a different triangle, things are bound to change.
Angles have to be altered even to the slightest degree...
And with this, it just won't ever be the same.
Though unfamiliar with it, something necessary is about to begin.
Just like 1 divided by 0, we are stepping into the unknown.

Tick-tock, tick-tock. Tick-tock, tick-tock...
Seconds go by, minutes go by, days go by, months go by and even years go by...
The graph of Truth vs. Time is still coexisting. It used to be functional but it's as if Time erased it all and nothing ever existed.
And on the opposite end is the graph of Heart vs. Mind.
No longer are the heart and mind intersecting with one another but they are congruent.
1/2 - their slopes are the same.
The two are at last parallel to one another.
Parallel lines pointing in the same direction.
You know that this is it.
In calculus, they can claim that the limit is approaching 0 but in this case what is bound to happen is limitless...
Eventually it will form a perfect circle.

Hmmm... I guess in the long run, math in highschool and Calculus in university did teach me something...
think deeper. dig deeper.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

It's all about

Forgiveness is the key to moving forward. And this means letting go of the past. Past hurts, past mistakes, past troubles or past quarrels. This isn't the easy route to take but it is the right thing to do. Many times it's easy to let the child within you win. To be stubborn. To want your way. To refuse to apologize. To think you are always right. To not let go. To ignore. To get frustrated. To get angry. BUT until you actually face it, you won't get anywhere.

The bottom line is that we are human. We are flawed. Yet a great friend of mine reminded me tonight that it truly is all about forgiveness. Especially forgiving yourself for your own mistakes and then allowing yourself to forgive others in the process. Day 18 of the Purpose Driven Life, a book that I read years ago reminds me of this. Back then I remember underlining certain paragraphs in red pen on page 142 and 143. One paragraph says, "Never hold grudges bcause bitterness and resentment always destroy fellowship. Because we're imperfect people, we inevitable hurt each other when we're together for a long enough time. Sometimes we hurt each other intentionally and sometimes unintentionally, but either way, it takes massive amounts of mercy and grace to create and maintain fellowship." Tonight's heart to heart talk reminded me of this. That in order to make the future better for one another we have to go back to the basics and simiply remind ourselves to forgive.

Love.love.love.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Piece of Advice

"When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really quite simple. Just ignore everything that they say and only pay attention to what they do..."

- The Last Lecture.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Sometimes.

Sometimes you wish things were easier. Sometimes you wish you could forget. Sometimes you wish you were someone else, even just for a little while. Sometimes you wish you could re-write the past. Re-write what happened 30 days ago. Or maybe it was 30 hours ago. 30 minutes ago. 30 seconds ago. Erase it from your memory. Remove it all... But this just isn't the case.

Re-writing the past wouldn't help a bit. Situations and even mistakes have taught lessons. Lessons that will never ever ever be forgotten. And character is something that is not built instantaneously but through the toughest situations, you will always grow. Lauryn Hill couldn't have sung it better, "After winter must come spring. Change, it comes eventually..."

It's going to catch up to you and sooner or later, you will get tired of the same patterns over and over and over again. So conciously you have to reach the point where there's no more looking back. No more looking back to who you were even 30 days ago. 30 hours ago. 30 minutes ago. 30 seconds ago but to look ahead into who you are going to become. The past is the past. And the future is waiting right ahead of you... what more are you waiting for?


- Signed, sealed & delievered...

Worth.

"Girls are like

apples on trees. The best

ones are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach for

the good ones because they are afraid

of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they

just get the rotten apples from the ground

that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples

at the top think something is wrong with

them, when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right

man to come along, the one

who's brave enough

to climb

all the way

to the top

of the tree."

Ladies, know your worth. Hold on it to and never let it go.

- Signed, sealed and delivered

Ohana

Remember back in the day of ninja turtles and there was that casette tape which only had one song on it (repeated on side A & B) "Go NINJA GO NINJA GO". lol.

Or the amazing brown spot?

Or the "we are the champions" set that made Kels cry?

Yeahhhh, let's bring it back to our childhood days...

Summertime bball games - girls vs. boy cousins on My's yard

And eating ice cream in the backyard on the playhouse on a hot summer day.

I can remember back in the day, riding my bike around the big block of 70 Forest Cove... D's house literally less than a minute down the road, My's down the opposite end and Shine's house -- well... you could never really ride your bike that far.

And the day when Kuya saved up money for a brand new black and neon green bike... only to have it stolen the next day. Kawawa.
And Christmas traditions - youngest to oldest. New Years - being together was always a tradition.
So many good times, so many memories and now we're all grown.

When I think of it now... we are 1870km away from each other. We are even 10562 km away from each other. And others, maybe even more.

And a late night phone call tonight reminded me of family.

Ohana means family and family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

It doesn't matter how far the distance is because regardless, we are there for each other, no matter how late and no matter what it is. No matter how many times we may have heard the same thing over and over and over again... genuine love will always be there.

2am phone calls are always available for the taking.

I miss you guys. I miss all of us being together --- always. <3.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

One, two step.

You step on it. Some, may even trample over it. You remove dirt on it. You treat it like however you feel like that day. Sometimes you even forget it is there. You see it all the time.
A doormat.

You're probably sitting there thinking, who really cares about a doormat? Random inspiration that led to this... You see, there are people that are genuinely nice and caring and willing to go out of their way to help out because that is how they are made. They love. They love hard. They love big. They care a lot. And all this is genuinely real. Sometimes people have hearts that are too big for their bodies.
Yet sometimes there are people who choose to trample. Take them for granted. And in the end, walk all over them --- like a doormat.
You think that something is genuine but it turns out to be gold plated. You think it is real but it turns out to be fools gold afterall. And the truth is that in the end, true friends will show their faces consistently while others seemingly disappear like weeds being uprooted in the spring.
Eventually you have to learn how to have a backbone and this is like growing new skin from the inside out.
At first it is painful 'cause it feels like your bones are ripping and protruding from your skin but within time it gets easier and easier and easier. Give it some time and you'll end up with Pachydermatous skin.
Once you got this skin, you choose what is worth caring for and what simply isn't worth any of your time.

You see, she was a little doormat girl back then but now she's continually growing into a WOMAN who knows her worth. And how she deserves to be treated by anyone. Kindness is still what she chooses. Call her weak, talk about her behind her back, use her name for punch-lines, make assumptions, step on her or trample over her... meh. 'Cause the truth is, if you are worth her time & effort, then you are one of the lucky ones...

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Romans 12:9-21

noitcelfeR.

She looks in the mirror. And sees a faded reflection. She looks different. She acts different. She IS different. She doesn't recognize the faded reflection that stares directly at her eyes. It is an image that is now an unrecognizable stranger. Staring at her is a reflection of the past. She can't erase her past mistakes. She was so naive. She was so jaded. She was immature. She can't erase who She WAS. But She can change who She IS. She has grown. She has learned. She has listened. She has healed. She has strength that begins from her inner core. She has respect for her own worth. She has changed and her faded reflection of her old self just isn't good enough anymore. And this, She remembers and carries with her. And so, She dreams. And dreams BIG.

He looks in the mirror. And sees a faded reflection. He looks different. He acts different. He IS different. He doesn't recognize the faded reflection that stares directly at his eyes. It is an image that is now an unrecognizable stranger. Staring at him is a reflection of the past. He can't erase his past mistakes. He was so naive. He was so jaded. He was immature. He can't erase who He WAS. But He can change who He IS. He has grown. He has learned. He has listened. He has healed. He has strength that begins from his inner core. He has respect for his own worth. He has changed and his faded reflection of his old self just isn't good enough anymore. And this, He remembers and carries with him. And so, He dreams. And dreams BIG.

kooL tA ruoY nwO noitcelfeR dnA

tahW oD uoY eeS?

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Everything is everything.

"Everything is everything,
what is meant to be will be.
After winter, must come spring.
Change it comes eventually..."

- L.Boogie.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

All gravy baby.

As thanksgiving rolls by, I am completely stuffed with delicacies.

Homemade cheesecake, shepherd's pie, delicious turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffffin' and you can't forget the gravy.

There's just something about gravy that makes eeeeeeverything taste so good. So as I poured gravy all over my food this year, one thought recollected into my head.

Gravy, makes everything taste so good.

Mashed potatoes ain't the same without gravy.

Neither is turkey. Neither is stuffin'. You NEED gravy.

And so I figured I want to be just like gravy. Something that makes everything else better. I am here to encourage and love with my big heart. And I want to love without being afraid. I know that my past experiences have jaded me but it is something that I am learning from. At this moment, I know that I am getting stirred up in a metal pot to become the best tastin' gravy that I can be. And I'm gonna make 'ya taste mmm... mmmm.. good!

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Crash

"Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show us how badly we want something."





It's time to strive for my dreams. The dreams I've always had. I'm ready to tear down that brick wall.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

The Doughnut Shop

Fresh baked doughnuts. Mouthwatering. Tempting. Delicious.
At the doughnut shop around the block, there stood a group of boys admiring all sorts of doughnuts
"Chhhhheck that one out! Yeeeeaaaaah, that one is fresh."
"Nah, check that one out. That one is hot!"
"Check that one out."
"Oh that one, too over there, the one beside the hot one."
"Oh check that other one out, over there, beside the fresh one."
There were clearly too many to choose from. This was going to be a hard decision - way too many colours, flavours and toppings.
Double chocolate, maple walnut, creamy vanilla, chocolate dip, honey dip, dutchie, raspberry glazed, strawberry vanilla, sprinkle delight, blueberry glazed, walnut crunch, chocolate, apple fritter, honey cruller, strawberry, Boston Cream, rainbow sprinkles or the original. Some boys fought over which doughnut they wanted first. Some other boys were straight up greedy. They wanted this one and that one and this one and that one. They just couldn't make up their minds. They had no idea what they wanted.One boy drooled over the prettiest doughnut at the doughnut shop. The one with the rainbow sprinkles. Mmmm, this doughnut is mouthwatering, it has to be good. It was appealing. It looked appetizing. It was what he thought he wanted. But why oh why, was it bitter after the first bite?And so, he left the doughnut shop that day disappointed.
A while later, the same boy wanted the hottest doughnut --- fresh out of the fryer. Mmmm, this doughnut is hot, it has got to be good. It was appealing. It looked appetizing. It was what he thought he wanted.
But why oh why, did it burn him after the first bite?
Time and time again this boy would return to the shop, never satisfied. Nothing seemed to fit his taste. He tried everything... the Double chocolate, maple walnut, creamy vanilla.... everything that was seemingly beautiful, appealing and appetizing to his eyes were chosen. And left behind was the original. The one nobody really wanted. Why? Cause it looked boring. Appealing wise, it was no competition for the rest. It looked flavourless, or so he thought.
The doughnut shop owner saw this boy return time and time and time and time again... and one day as he watched him contemplate on what to try next, the doughnut shop owner said,"Son, you keep rushing. You keep wasting your money and time using your only your eyes. You have got to take time. Take time. And use your heart."
At first the boy looked up at him, not really understanding what he was talking about. This doughnut shop owner is nuts, so he thought. BUT, as he grew older, it became clearer and clearer.
Time had passed. It turned out that crazy ol' Doughnut shop owner wasn't so crazy afterall. It took him awhile but he realized and learned the hard way that he wasn't just talking about doughnuts.
And so, after a long while, a grown man came to the doughnut shop and knew exactly what he wanted. "Two original doughnuts, pls", he asked as he smiled at the Doughnut shop owner from his childhood.And all the doughnut shop owner could do was grin from ear to ear.You see, at first glance it may have looked plain but it was the best tasting and most original doughnut he ever did meet. He took his time. And she was just right....

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

More than meets the eye

I've seen it with my own eyes.
It's something that gets to you so deep.
Something so cold, something so dark, something so wrong.
It has the same mechanism as hydrochloric acid in your stomach.
It's out to degrade.
It's out to breakdown.
It's out to destroy.
I've seen it destroy relationships.
I've seen it destroy friendships.
I've seen it destroy people.
Shoot, I've even seen it try to destroy my mind.
Clouded perception, miscommunication, wrongful conclusions. All part of the thing that can get us the most...

ASSUMPTIONS.

You assume, I assume, we all assume. We're human.
Sometimes we assume each others actions.
Intentions. Motives. Words. Looks.
You name it, we assume it.
It's so easy to think you know a person by looking at what they wear, how they talk and how they act. It's so easy to think you understand. It's so easy to think you know why someone is they way they are.
But with assumptions comes great regret. The seconds it takes to assume someone or something is wrong may have been seconds used to get to know someone or find out that it wasn't wrong after all.
It's dangerous and destructive like an atomic bomb to one's soul.
I think I know you. But I may actually have no idea.
You think you know me... but you may have no idea.
You think I do this because of that. I think you do this because of that.
And this vicious cycle of assumption goes on and on and on and on and on...
Thoughts build and build...
"Hey guess what so and so said to me?... what do you think of that?"
"Check out my wall - look at what they wrote..."
"Oh my goodness, look at them! ugggh.."
"Did you see what they were wearing??!!?"
"Who do they think they are?!!?!"
"Did you see the way they were looking at me?!?!?"
All these wrongful thoughts loop round and round like a broken record. Playing over and over again.... endlessly.
ASSUMPTIONS.
If it were a song, it'd probably be the worst and most annoying song you could ever listen to. We are human. We have been there. We have assumed. But it's time. Time to

---Press the pause button.---
Until we take the time to own up and look in the mirror first, we have no right. No right. We gotta take out that log in our eyes, before we even think about the speck in our friends' eye.

It's all about perception. Take a deep look at yourself first.

And if you need to talk, own up, be brave and talk to that person because you care. Because you love them, because you "don't want to assume."
You take can the easy way out and assume... trust me, it is easier. BUT from what I've learned there is always more to it than what your eyes see and it's worth the time to ask.

And with that, comes nothing but love.love.love. for one another.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Remedy.

There's nothing like having a warm cup of soup when you're feeling under the weather.
It's the same comforting feeling that I get when I listen to a good song on a cold, cloudy day.
Music is like chicken soup for my soul.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

How do you say....

I think one of the hardest things to do is to look someone in the eye... someone you deeply care about and tell them goodbye. Whether it's the I know we will meet again someday kinda goodbye, the I'm moving to another city kind of goodbye, the I'll see you in a couple months kind of goodbye, the kuya don't leave me kind of goodbye, the my best friend is leaving kind of goodbye, the relationship is over kind of goodbye or the you are fighting for your life and I don't know if you're going to survive within the next 48 hours kind of goodbye. Everyone within their lifetime has experienced some sort of goodbye in their lives... maybe even ones that I've mentioned above. And let me tell you, no matter what kind of goodbye you are trying to say, it isn't always easy nor does it ever get easier the more times you have to go through it.

Whether it's within the span of your whole lifetime, a couple years, a couple months, a couple weeks, a couple days, a couple hours, a couple minutes or even seconds... friends, family and loved ones are strategically placed in our lives. I looked back at old photos and it brought back smiles to my face. "Remember when... Remember when.... Remember when..." was the only thought in my mind.

And then... reality hit. Reality sunk. It has been years. Many goodbyes have been said since then. It seems that sometimes we learn to say goodbye to the past. Many things change but what we like to remember are the memories. The good times, the good laughs and the embarassing moments. That is what I love. Although we may have said goodbye to what once was, goodbye to the old life and even goodbye to the old you... If there's one thing I've learned, goodbyes make us stronger. Goodbyes make us face challenges, they make us change and they teach us to appreciate the little things like time and the beauty of friendship and love.love.love.

Something that I hold very dear to my own heart, is what I called the Simplicity of Life.

Simplicity of Life.
Simplistic Colours.
White & Black.

A pure white room
with a machine beating repetitively.
Beep, beeeeeeep, beeeeeeeeep.
Death lingering in the darkness
like a black panther waiting for its prey.
Heavy breathing.
You know...
You just know.
That this is it.

This is the end of a beautiful life.
A life that took care of you.
A life that made you laugh.
A life that you loved.
A life that you adored.
Tears flowing down your eyes.
You've never experienced this kind of pain.
It's as if someone took a blade straight through your heart.
You don't know how to fix it.

Your heart breaks to see this beautiful life suffering from pain.
She can't see you but...
You know...
You just know...
that she hears you.
She hears your every word to the deepest breath of life she has left.
And you don't know when that last breath is.

The only thing you know to do
Is to hold her hand.
There you stand by her bed
and the only thing you can do is pray.
And so you pray that if this is the time for her to go,
then it will be okay with your heart.
For you know, her beautiful life
Is going to a beautiful place.

You hate to leave her in this white room all alone
but the doctors...
the nurses...
your family...
say it's time to go.
Tears fill your eyes
and you know it's time.
Time to say your last goodbye.
So hand in hand, you look at this beautiful life
A life that took care of you.
A life that made you laugh.
A life that you loved.
A life that you adored.
Tears flowing down your eyes.
You thank her for all that she's done.
How much you're going to miss her.
How much you hate having to go.
How much you don't want to fly the next morning.
And three little words come out of your mouth...
I love you.

Three
little
words.
Maybe they are little...
Maybe they are said too much...
Maybe they aren't said enough...

But sometimes,
that's the only way you know how to express your love.

Saying goodbye ain't easy....
I miss you every single day of my life but we will meet again. xoxoxo.
Tell someone that you care about, those three little words.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Standstill

Decisions, decisions, decisions....
I am faced with nothing but decisions, decisions, decisions...
I asked for a challenge and now that this opportunity is looking at me right in the eye it kinda freaks me out.
BUT THE TIME IS coming SOON.
A decision needs to be made...
Time is winding down...
I need to read. I need to listen.
I will KNOW.
I will hear that voice but until then, I am at
a
Standstill.


- Signed, sealed and delivered...

What I've been waiting for

"The smile on my face, tells me I'm exactly at the place that I want to be...."
- Brian McKnight on his latest track.


And he will sing me to sleep tonight.... gooooooooooodnight. :).

'That crater is BEAMING on my face right now.
love.love.love.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

Forward.

Looking forward. SO SO SO SO SO excited as big things are about to happen!
I am loving every moment.

Ahhh, thank you for the early birthday gift.

Cannnnnoooooooottt wait!

-xoxoxox.

- Signed, sealed and delivered...

'Til it's...

Gone.


- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Oldie but goodie.

If there's one thing that I love doing in my spare time it's listening to some relaxing music while writing in my journal. It's just as if the ink in my pen flows congruently with each beat. And this, I love.

Also, dontcha love it when you're listening to your ipod and an oldie-but-goodie feel-good song comes playing along outta nowhere? You know what I'm talking about. I loooooooooooooove it when this happens. When it's the perfect rhythm for exactly what you're feeling that day. This can cause that dimple on my face to become a huuuuge crater. =).

Now on my way back from New York City to Philly on the Bolt bus, there I was listening to my ipod while writing and all the sudden an oldie-but-goodie feel good song comes on. And BAM! It hit me. Just like that. There I was bobbing my head to the beat, mouthing what I thought the lyrics were, whilst the guy next to me was just staring. Meh. Whatevs. I just sat there enjoying the music as the lyrics hit every coronary artery possible.

"ooooooohhhhhhhhh oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh.... Bag
lady, you gon' hurt your back dragging all them bags like that...."

The famous words from Ms.Badu - Bag Lady. I don't think that she could have stated it any better. You see, these days there are many hurting women who allow certain memories from their past to haunt their present and even affect their future. What's this hurt I am speaking of? You know, the hurt that may come from past relationships. Past relationships with friends, parents, boys or other loved ones. She ain't just talking about physically carrying them plastic bags in this song but the emotional baggage that can stem from the past and this is the most dangerous thing to carry around. It's like the ultimate weapon for your own destruction of your heart, mind and soul. It's like a hand grenade. Emotional baggage can encapsulate you and all the sudden, -tick-tock-tick-tock-.....boom! You've allowed it to destroy yourself.

You see, now maybe you've been hurt before. Ok, the truth is.... who hasn't? And maybe you've experience something that was really painful. Maybe you were physically hurt. Maybe words were exchanged. Maybe promises were broken. Maybe it really was bad. A memory. A situation. Words. Brokeness. Tears. Pain. But when we carry this emotional baggage all it's going to do is weigh us down. Weigh us down to the point where we won't get anywhere. Bottom line - we'll just be stuck. And this, this will show.

If there's one thing that I've learned, there is no use to holding onto something that is painful. Whatever it is, Ms.Badu couldn't have sung it better "Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go....." And there is no use in being cynical or bitter 'cause all that is useless. Bitterness is as corrosive as acid is to metal and as destructive as rust is to a brand new car. Bitterness is ugly but forgiveness allows you to move forward and leap over mountains.

And, Real love. This kind of love heals all wounds. Even wounds that may have reopened. Real, unfailing and everlasting kind of love. Word. Romans 8:38.

All in all, packing light is so much easier and possibly one of the most liberating feelings in the world. Especially if you're running after something... Love. Dreams. Goals. Hope. Ambitions.... The list goes on & on & on...

Now who wants to go catch that bus? ---- scratch that, I'll just drive. Come with? =)
---- but first, I gotta nap. It's almost 5am.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Late nights, early mornings.

On Repeat.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

The Ultimate Gift.

Great Movie. So many great quotes are all stocked up in my head.

One of my favourite quotes of the day:

Jason Stevens: "I may have met someone myself..."

Mr. Hamilton: "Well, then cherish her and become the man that she deserves..."

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Just.a.Vivrant thing.

"Special girl, real good girl.
Biggest thing in my itty bitty world..."

I've been reminded.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Risk.

A game of risk is a game of strategy.
But what about the game of taking chances?

It's time. Time. Time. Time. Time.
Take that chance, make that leap.

I'm ready.


- Signed, sealed & delivered.

What I need.

This is exactly it.


Yeoooowwww!

- Signed, sealed & delivered....

East coast Flavour

Being here in a new city is so exciting =).
I think I've fallen in love.
And the strange thing is, here I feel at home.
As if, maybe... just maybe this is where I am supposed to be.
Only time will tell.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Reason.Why.

After all this time, it is as if everything just clicked.
And so, I finally understand the Reason Why.
This girl is taking those two steps forward.

- Signed, sealed & delivered.

Words.

Are just words.


- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Nothing.like.It.

It brings me back.
Waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy back.
Back to the days where I was rollin' around the 70 Forest Cove neighbourhood lookin' like a lil boy, kickin it with the boys.
It reminds me of where I came from. And who I've become.
In a matter of seconds, Its words can speak truth and healing to my soul.
Its rhythm is fresh. And It's flow is always changing. And that in itself, brings me excitement.
Over the years I've grown and have loved It.
It allows me to momentarily escape reality.
It causes tears to stream down.
It makes me laugh, smile and reminisce especially when I'm kickin' it with my childhood friends.
It can make a solemn day, a BETTER day.
Everytime I listen to It, a breath of fresh air fills my soul.
I love it when music flows through my tympanic membrane and straight to my coronary arteries.
.Ain't nothing like It in this world... ---


- Signed, sealed & delivered...

BIG.THINGS

... are about to happen. :)
And I am nothing but excited for this.

I am ready.



- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Shifting.

And an overflowing joy fills my soul...

I have a movement in my heart <3.
For what is Yours and only Yours.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

.Fresh.

It's like taking a breath of fresh air on a cool summer night.

It reminds me of memories from back in the day.

And remembering that this is exactly what I fell in love with.

They say you never forget the first time you fell in love.

Relaxing. Exciting. Soothing.

This rhythm is unreal.

Closing my eyes, I could sit in this room forever.

It's like when you're a child and you're opening that kinder surprise not knowing what's going to be inside.

Ahhhh, this is what I feel when I hear some good ol' jazz.

- Signed, sealed & delivered.

Awwwww yeah.

It's official.
After years of studying, hard work has paid off.
My letter has finally come in the mail.
My Science degree in cellular biology.
Is. Done. Done. Done. And Done.
June 3rd, 2009. 9:15am.
SFU - Burnaby campus.
Marks an end and the beginning of something new in store for me.
=) .
I just wish it were complete. By that, I wish I could have my whole family there with me. I wish I could have a full family picture. I miss my pops & brother bear -- Wish you both could be here. But he has to go fly airplanes and follow his own dreams -- Mr. Pilot... I'm still proud of you, even though selfishly I still want you here with me. As situations have it, it is what it is... Miss you.

At the same time, a part of me is excited to graduate especially with friends that I have met throughout my university years but it is still bittersweet. We won't see each other as often anymore 'cause there will be no more classes together. No more 4 hour labs. No more lunch breaks. No more studying together. No more field trips to random locations like... Bamfield? =(. It's going to be strange not being on campus anymore seeing all your faces... But no matter what we will still have get togethers to catch up with each other and still have the good times to look back on --- even if that involved ridiculous exams and profs. (*Cough. Ohhhh the memories we'd love to forget about our brutal 20page organic chem final) hahaha. I'd like to forget my reaction to that exam.

So, Congrats...

To all my fellow friends & graduates. After all these years together, we deserve this and we earned the reason to celebrate together. See you all soon --- cccaaan't wait!

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

Nineveh

I have been seeking. I have been searching.

"Keep on asking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
You are giving me many new opportunities.
And I will wait. I will wait for my letter, and the next step comes after that.

Step by step. Hand-in-hand. You have bigger and better plans than I could have ever imagined for myself.

In one of my quiet times, I came across the story of Jonah.

I am going to be led to my own Nineveh.

No more running. No more.

I am tired. Too tired.

I have been through my storm. I have been through my own whale.

Listen. That's all you've been trying to tell me all along.

"So pay attention to how you hear. To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what they think they understand will be taken away from them."
I am ready. I finally understand why everything happened. Why You give and why You take away.

So that my focus lies on You and only You.

I trust in Your ways, I trust in Your plans even if that leads me elsewhere.

- Signed, sealed & delivered.

Overwhelming.

In the quiet moments,
I hear your voice and your voice alone.
The thrashing waters are now still.
Be still.
Be still and listen.
And an overwhelming peace fills my soul.

- Luke 8:18

- Signed, sealed & delivered

Get it, got it, goooood.

"So what’s the difference between rap and hip hop? It’s simple. It’s like sayin’ you love somebody and bein’ in love with somebody. Rap is only a word." -- taken from one of my favourite movies, Brown Sugar.

We hear it in music. We see it in movies. We read it in books. We feel it in real life.
A metaphor.
An expression of feelings.
An illustration of love.
Something so fresh.
Something so unique.
Something so real.

"You are the perfect hook over a tight beat..."

- Signed, sealed & delivered.

U-turn.

All this seems so familiar. This isn't the first time. It's like taking one step forward and losing your footing to only end up two steps backwards from where you first began. This is what it is.
They say that "X" marks the spot.
After searching and searching I thought I found it.
I dug it up with my shovel and my own bare hands...
Frantically hoping to find something, you know, a hidden treasure.
Digging and digging a deeper hole into the darkness.
Only to find nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It turns out the directions I chose to follow were wrong all along.
Turns out I got lost.
Everyone knew it, except for me. Naive. Blinded. Broken.
Time to head into the opposite direction.


You see..... Thought what was right infront of me was real, but it turned out to be fool's gold afterall.....
.Lesson.learned.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

A glimpse.

TRUE STORY.

This was written by me on my trip to the east coast, last summer. To be more exact, it was written in Ate Joyce's basement in Camden, New Jersey while Georgie (her dog) was rummaging through my fresh-na-fresh undergarments in my luggage. But I could have cared less about Georgie rummaging through my things 'cause writting this was more important at the time. I recall writing this whilst listening to Heather Headley's song - Am I worth it? on my ipod mini at the time.

This, was my response.
Read it. And you'll experience a glimpse in my shoes.
-- And possibly every woman's shoes.
Fellas, listen up.
Ladies, hollar.

A glimpse - written June 9th, 2008.

A woman's worth is more than just diamonds and pearls. In fact, it cannot be bought by a single cent. A woman's worth is not determined by the words of a man. For words can be as sharp as daggers. A woman's worth is not determined by the perception of outer beauty. For sometimes the window of what beauty should be is distorted. Rather a woman's worth is determined by the beauty of her soul that exists within. A beautiful soul that euphorically sounds like the sickest melody. A woman's worth is defined by herself and by the things she believes in. By her faith and by the way she stands up for herself. Through the way her own voice echos without having to open her mouth. A strong powerful voice that lingers with wisdom. A woman who knows her worth knows that she will not pursue but will be pursued. As she enters a room, she will glow with confidence that radiates. A woman who knows her worth will take time. She will take time to understand herself. She will take time to search her inner thoughts. She will take time to make sure her heart is in check with her mind. She will take time to bandage wounds. A woman who knows her worth will listen intently... And will learn to let go of the matters of the heart & mind. Sometimes; however, a woman can be stubborn before she realizes what is truly at stake - her worth. Sometimes, pain is all a woman needs to realize her worth. Sometimes, time is all a woman needs to realize her worth. Sometimes, maturity is all a woman needs to realize her worth. No matter what, knowing your worth is a day by day process. Some painful things you go through will be in order for you to grow. ----- To grow into that woman who truly knows her worth.

It's literally taken years. It's taken a lot of circumstances, including pain for me to grow up. And I am still in the process. I've been told "There's a reason for why this has happend. Though you may not see it, you have been assured to simply, just TRUST." Easier said than done. But, you turned out to be right. I see now the things I HAD to experience in order to grow. Although, at the time when things didn't make any sense in my life I often wondered "whyyyyy on earth is this happening to me?". Stumbling upon what I wrote, has reminded me once again.... This.is.why.

I know my worth.
For those of you who are still learning. TRUST.
It will get better.

- Signed, sealed & delivered...

.Edamame.

Edamame -- The baby soy bean that is often boiled and salted for flavour.

Edamame - a nickname of mine given to me by many. Ironically, this little bean describes me inside and out. Small. But. Flavourful. You've got a little bit of salty and sweet. The outer texture is flexible and can be difficult to get through. Although I am outgoing, friendly and embarassing, a protective layer has been built on the outside. What I have inside --- purely sweet and soft. A delightful delicacy - simply, one.of.a.kind. Sharing one of the greatest blessings in this world with you. This is my purpose. This is me.

A woman who knows her worth. I am focused. I am determined. I have a big heart that has been through many circumstances and life lessons. Regardless, I will still be rockin' that huge dimple of mine -- my natural crater. This is me.

These years have built me up into the strong woman I have become today. Many situations have risen. But I would not change it at all. Many things have happened. But I would not change it at all. Many words have been spoken. But I would not change it at all. Many mistakes have been made. But I would not change it at all. I have learned and still am learning.

Many words have been locked, stored and written on my own pages.

But now....

It's time.
Time to spill the beans.

Signed, sealed & delivered...